my idea for a new sign in P1

Please Do Not Speak to the Consultant

The Kiosk is a touchscreen
That means, the buttons you see on the screen can be activated by touching it...
... with your fingers

If it looks like a button...
... then it probably is. You should press it.

Check-out means you are taking the laptop
Check-in means you are returning the laptop
No, it is not backwards.
If you are still having trouble distingushing the two, you are hereby banned from checking out a laptop

How do you renew a laptop?
Try pressing the button that says renew laptop.

The 20-min grace period is not for last minute facebook checks
If your ass walks in 15 minutes after closing and you're not sweating bullets, I'm not checking it in until it's one minute after the grace period.

No, I do not need to see your BruinCard

No, that's my mouse. Again, touchscreen.

No, you can not keep the laptop overnight

No, this room does not smell like pot

Please Do Not Speak to the Consultant

i hate p1!!! :(((

check-out - v. to borrow (an item) by having it listed as one's temporary responsibility:
check-in - v. to return (an item) and relieving one's self of responsibility for said item.

If you still honestly can't tell the difference, please don't just stand there for 10 minutes staring at the screen. It doesn't make it any clearer.

Other P1 highlights:
Girl: *comes up to the kiosk, looks around for a mouse*
Me: "it's touchscreen"
Girl: *presses "enter" on the keyboard repeatedly, nothing happens*
Me: "it's a touchscreen..."
Girl: "it's not working..." *continues to press "enter" on the keyboard and looks around for a mouse*
Me: "You can TOUCH the screen"
Girl: "huh? OHH"

At least she admitted her stupidity shortly thereafter. Most people just think making users press buttons on screens with their fingertips is too technical.

Highlight #2:
User: "Hey, this laptop isn't fitting in the FRONT pocket where all the other accessories are. Oh well, i'll just leave it half open and falling out when i give it to the consultant"
Me: "you're a ****** idiot."
Update: At a later time, another girl attempted the same feat, this time successfully, albeit very tight.

Highlight #3:
User: "Hey, so..... my class.... ends... at 6:30......."
Me: ".... So I guess you can't get a laptop"
User: "Really? But why not? Do you really go home right away at 6?"
Me: "I would like to.. yes."
User: "But isn't there at 20 min grace period?"
Me: "no point in waiting for 20 minutes if all the laptops are back"
User: "But let's say there is, you'll be waiting here for 20 mins right?"
Me: "I don't see how a 20 minute grace period is going to help if you're gonna be 30 minutes late"

And everyone's favorite:
User: "hey bro, can I ask you a question"
Me: "Yeah, what's up?"
User: *whispers* "is it me, or does it smell like weed in here man? hahahahahahahahahahahaha"
Me: "It's just you"